Be gone

 Now that I'm 40 I find I'm questioning things in my life and oddities I've held onto.  I finally excepted that I HATE carrots.  For years I felt some health guilt to consume carrots and tried to learn an appreciation for them.  I fucking hate carrots and don't care if I ever eat them again.  I'm also over bananas but will probably still consume them occasionally.  Now that I've given myself permission to never eat another carrot I've let go of the guilt when I toss them out or push them to the side on my plate.  Such freedom this has brought!  If only I could use this same process to ease the guilt in other areas of my life?  I'm utilizing this philosophy with my "Diet" as well.  I'm done dieting I hate it and if I eat something I shouldn't I'm no longer going to kick my own ass about it.  Just accept and move on.  This mind set is really helping with the lifestyle changes I'm making through the Monarch program.  Why did it take me 40 years to figure out I could release silly pent up guilt and shame over lame things?  I think I'll try to carry this more as I continue to grow as a person.  Guilt and Shame are useless emotions we place on ourselves to continually keep us down.  Freedom at last! 

In the beginning...

I've decided to jump on the blog band wagon because maybe just maybe I have something to say and share that others may be interested in.  And if not well I'll enjoy listening to myself!  I chose the picture of me dressed as a queen for this because I am the Queen of Magical Bean Land.  Finally someplace I can let go my craziness from my head.  I turned 40 in November of last year and have spent the past several months pondering my life.  Am I where I should be?  Is my career really what I want?  Should I take my health more serious?  Have I been a good Mom to Emilie?  All that crazy shit.  All the while celebrating one year sobriety.  The past year has been good and trying at the same time.  I think I've come to a good place now and feel like the path is more clear of what I need to be doing.  Priority One is dealing with my health issues so I can continue to be around for Emilie and enjoy the rest of my life active and healthy.  I began working with the Monarch Medical Weight Loss Clinic after a strong urging from my doctor to consider surgery.  A trip to the emergency room via ambulance in December made it clear I can no longer procrastinate.  My life depends on getting healthy.  So I began and lost 5lbs my first week.  I know most of that is excess water but it's a start.  My goal at this point is to drop 50lbs and I really feel this lifestyle change is my link to happy healthy living.  I'm going to buy a new bicycle this week to increase my exercise and continue to enjoy the outside world as I have been this past year.